So what is a submissive?

submissive (n.) one who gains empowerment by the voluntary gifting of control to another

There are probably as many different definitions of being a submissive as there are practicioners of BDSM, partly because it means something different to everyone and partly because it can be very hard to accurately describe exactly what it means to be a submissive.  The above definition is probably as close as words can come to describing my own submission.

I've thought of myself as a submissive for a long time - probably since I was about 13 or 14 years old.  In hindsight I was wrong: it would have been more accurate to think of myself as a masochist - a distinction that I would only understand many years later.  To truly understand submission I think you have to experience it.  Don't get me wrong: you can understand a lot without that experience, but you understand a whole lot more once you've experienced true submission.  Despite classing myself as submissive for such a long period of time I am still a rather green and inexperienced sub and I'm sure that my understanding will grow and evolve as I experience more.

masochist (n.) one who obtains pleasure and gratification through humiliation, punishment or being subjected to a trying or unpleasant experience

Again there are an unlimited number of definitions of masochism, but this one strikes a chord with me as it closely describes my own masochistic tendencies.

In hindsight as a teenager I was quite masochistic, deliberately subjecting myself to ordeals that would be deemed by the majority of society to be rather unpleasant but which were to me incredibly arousing and gratifying.  It was only when I gained access to the internet in private that I discovered that this was not in any way abnormal and that I needn't hide it or be ashamed of myself for being this way.  Of course it is one thing to believe this inwardly but quite another to come out and openly admit these tendencies to others - which is why I have, until now, only openly admitted a small portion of my submissive and masochistic tendencies and then only to a single highly trusted person.

British society can be very close-minded about anything that deviates from the perceived sexual norm of a heterosexual vanilla relationship.  Of course things are beginning to loosen up a little, but in practice this only extends (from a BDSM perspective) to a casual and (to my mind) rather lame version of BDSM involving furry love cuffs (that the sub could remove by themself) and a light-weight spanking paddle wielded so gently that it won't come close to bruising the flesh of any backside.

My wish to be dominated in a sado-masochistic manner continued for another dozen or so years until my first real-life encounters of BDSM with another person taught me what submission really is - even though this only involved the rather woolly and not so "hardcore" BDSM acts described above.  In this blog I plan to share and explore my innermost desires and fantasies.  I've been repressing so much for so long, so this exploration will probably shock me at times - but I view that as a good thing if it helps me to truly accept who I am.